So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
