This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
