I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
