Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
