even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
