He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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