Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
