Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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