Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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