soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
