Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
