they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
