it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
