My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
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Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I did not marry a roomba.
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