i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
