grandma shit on top of the toilet
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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