Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
