dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize