you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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