I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
