that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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