I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
