I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never underestimate the power of titties
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