Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
