ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
