I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
