did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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