If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
