I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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