absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
