My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
