i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
