this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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