Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
