Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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