9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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