oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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