Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
