I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
