So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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