I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
