I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
