It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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