im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
