Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
