shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
