How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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