If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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