I murdered the dance floor call the cops
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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