Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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