Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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