I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
