A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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