you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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