"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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