I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
