do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
