I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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