First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
