His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize