Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
