so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
