I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize