Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
