no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i've created a new STD.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
